What Does “You Are Enough” Mean?

“You are enough.”

That short phrase is one of the most powerful I can think of. So powerful that I used it as the title of my new book. Yet, I wonder if you’ve ever really thought about what it means to simply…be enough. 

Society places a great deal of importance on outward success – success in the form of possessions, a big bank balance, perfect relationships, glowing, radiant health, and a secure, high-paying job. Yet, even those that have outwardly achieved immense levels of success still feel as if there is something missing from their lives. They feel as if they ARE their possessions. Their profession is their identity. They depend on their bank balance for validation. 

These feelings of emptiness, dissatisfaction, and sadness occur because those external things can never take the place of your authentic self. In fact, all of the external trappings of success are actually examples of what “you are enough” does NOT mean.

You are far more than your external accomplishments, my dear friends. But from the moment you were born, you have been conditioned to be a unit of production. You’ve been separated from your emotions, been told that you’re too sensitive, that you shouldn’t become angry, that you have no reason to be sad. Your humanity has been denied and you learned that your worth is based on what you can provide. “Work hard!” they said and all will be well. In following that advice, your emotions were disregarded, and you were, essentially, mechanized.

We live in an age of consumption and not just of physical objects, but of information as well. This constant consumption reinforces the idea that a solution to all our problems lies outside of us somewhere. We look for external, surface level answers. We go to retreats, seminars, read books, seek out articles online, but nothing really changes. 

That’s because the solution isn’t external. It can’t be consumed because the real answer already lives inside every one of us. The time has come to discover our true intrinsic worth.

You have been conditioned to believe that you are the problem. You are not and never have been the problem. You are not broken. You do not need fixing. All you need to do is begin to look inside yourself and become empowered as your own solution. There is always an internal resolution for anything that’s happening in your life externally. This naturally occurs when you bring resonance and harmony to an area of dissonance where you have been conditioned to deny and reject an aspect of yourself.


Break Down or Break Open

“We are all broken. That’s how the light gets in.”

— Ernest Hemingway

For most of us there is a time in our lives when we have fallen so hard, that if feels almost impossible to get back up. We are left on the ground shattered in shame, disappointment, anger or grief. You can feel the fire pulsate in your breathing, feel the burn at your core and the ashes drifting in the air. The thought of regaining composure or a sense of normalcy as we have known is almost inconceivable. Some refer to this as the ‘dark night of the soul’, a place that some of us will visit, and never wish to stay.

It is here where we are left with questions and choices:

“When we have been through a trial and survived it—or better still, transformed its terrors into revelations—then we begin to approach other adversities with a different attitude. Change and loss may still knock us off the horse, but soon we are back in the saddle, stronger and wiser than ever. As life progresses, and we continue to transform and refine our consciousness, we gain more insight and humility, greater strength of character, and deeper faith in the meaningfulness of life” – Elizabeth Lesser

The choices here are personal… and critical.

I am grateful for my own experience where I found the light in my broken pieces. I managed the darkness with unfaltering support from the people I loved the most and those who crossed my path with an uncanny connection to my heart.

And…there are those who wish to stay there a little longer by divine choice.

So, when and if this experience is a part of your journey – just ask the question:

Will you stay awake, feel the pain or go back to sleep and live a compromised life?

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Forgiveness – the Journey Home

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” 

— Nelson Mandela

Forgiving someone who has abused you—blind-sided you with abandonment, betrayal and rejection—is the hardest frigging thing you will ever have to do.

I know from first hand experience what it’s like to be born to a mother who couldn’t show you love, but freely showed your face to the back of her hand. I know what it’s like to give your heart to a man who suddenly forgets that he loves you and speaks to you as if you’re his fifth cousin’s gardener. I have felt the cut of betrayal by someone who I thought was my ride-or-die-sista-girl-friend—but who apparently was having a totally different relationship with me. I have had the sick feeling in the pit of my gut by having my name omitted out of my own brother’s obituary. OUCHHH!!!

But I had to forgive. I had to—or I was gonna die. I had to be willing to die to my story—my seemingly justifiable blame and need for revenge—so that I could truly be alive again—and so that the “years that the locusts had eaten” could be restored back to me.

I’m writing this blog because, I’ve learned something really profound this time around in my life. My life experience has provided something of real substance to teach. But the biggest reason for writing this blog is because I need you to know that true emotional and spiritual liberation is real. It is possible and it is your divine birthright. But in order to have it, you must want it more than you want that relationship, that career, the money or anything else. You’ve got to want – the Real You more than anything else in the world! She’s waiting for you to return home to your authentic bad-ass self!

Trust me, if I can do it – anybody can!

As I said: forgiveness is the most challenging thing you will be called upon to do for yourself. Not for them. You.

Because if you don’t deal with your stuff, your stuff will find a way to deal with you.

It is an emotional and spiritual requirement to forgive if we want to experience true freedom, fulfillment, health and prosperity. Not because there is some judgmental Higher Power up there somewhere that requires us to forgive others in order for us to be forgiven (“forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespassed against us”), No. That is an outdated power dynamic of forgiveness that will never work because that kind of forgiveness is based in the illusion that you have to kiss up to the big guy (and there is no big guy up there – the power is within you), and be a doormat for people who were abusing you.

I later learned (when I got up off the floor for the millionth time), that I must profoundly forgive others in order to return to my authentic and essential nature of wholeness, empowerment, confidence and safety. I must raise my energetic frequency to the level of that desire and that reality. Because until I did that, my life was like having one foot on the accelerator and the other on the breakI was pushing and pushingand going absolutely nowhere but under.

Let’s get real, sometimes it feels downright delicious to hate on, judge and have a running negative commentary about the person who has harmed us. When we are in resentment, we run an automatic program that incessantly cycles our negative narrative over and over again – even when we’re pretending to think about other things. It’s so insidious that it feels normal because some of us have held on to anger and resentment for so long—and have identified with it so completely—that we can’t tell where the “real” vs. “imaginary” us is anymore. We are unconscious to the realization that resentment is the very reason we are blocked from vibrant health, success, financial abundance and fulfillment. 

I’ve been in recovery for thirty-three years, and have written twenty Fourth Step inventories on my mother [For those who may not be familiar with the Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book,” the Fourth Step is a truthful, deep life-inventory of the issues that contribute to our addiction].

The Fourth Step may have saved my lifebut didn’t restore it. It gave me relief and released layers of false perceptions and pain, but it didn’t get me home. I still quite enjoyed hating and blaming my mother for every terrible thing that ever happened in my life—even though the pain was easier to bear.

Through years of experimenting with every healing modality I could think of, so I could finally feel safe in my own body, empowered, confident and free—I uncovered the necessary steps to achieve deep and lasting forgiveness. I call it The Healing Code of Forgiveness.

It is the forgiveness process that is based on the teachings of Soul Recovery, which are effective, powerful and guaranteed to work—if you are willing to see things from an entirely different perspective and commit yourself to it. There is a link at the end of this blog for more information, if you are interested.

Soul Recovery Forgiveness acknowledges that we have been deeply hurt, and must make room on our healing journey to fully process our pain about the situation. Often the people we are holding resentment towards have caused us much more harm than we’ve ever caused them.
While we acknowledge that fact and show ourselves deep compassion throughout this process, we also cannot pull over and park in the pain and story of the past, or be in competition about who did what to whom. It is our story that holds us in place. 

Once we have identified, acknowledged and processed wounded emotions, we must go deeper than the event or circumstance, and get down to the elemental causes and conditions — because that’s where the boundary to our freedom lies.

Our business is to heal and to set ourselves free, no matter who caused more harm. And the first step is to be “willing” to understand that—while we may indeed feel abandoned, rejected, betrayed, unsafe and not good enough—we must also accept that a particular person, though connected to those emotions, is not the cause of our suffering. They simply point to our deep core beliefs and attachments that were likely present before we even came into contact with that particular person or situation.

Our minds are so powerfully adaptive, that we have inadvertently and subconsciously attracted the people, conditions and experiences that are a perfect match to the core wounds and hardwired negative beliefs we hold about ourselves.

Like attracts like.

Have you ever disconnected or dropped someone from your life because they hurt and abused you or didn’t respect your boundaries, just to find yourself having the same experience with a different person over and over again? Why? Because the core wounds and beliefs embedded in your awareness follow you wherever you go, and will show up in most of your relationships and experiences. Remember what I stated earlier: “If you don’t deal with your stuff, your stuff will deal with you.”

I used to think that I had an invisible banner written across my forehead that read “all really screwed up and emotionally unavailable men – please come be my man”, because I kept repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns with the same man—in a different body living in a different zip code—over and over again! I have come to understand that it wasn’t the men in my life that was at the root of my problems – it was the belief system I held about myself and the core wounds I lugged around with me every day.

I also used to believe that my mother was the cause of my core wounds, until I came to the radical understanding that—as awful and abusive as she was to me—that she was not the cause of my pain, but the mirror of it.

Trust me, this was not easy for me. I came into that understanding kicking and screaming – because I was invested in my story: that my mother was the reason for every terrible thing that ever happened to me. But my ultimate realization set me free.

This is a pretty radical idea because—from our wounded perspective—we justifiably think, “how the hell am I responsible for my pain when I was the victim of the abuse?”

I totally understand any resistance that may be coming up for you right now. This was a difficult transition for me to make as well—but it is the very releasing of your resistance to seeing your pain from a different and higher perspective that will set you free.

What I’m about to say is radical and extremely sensitive – but I must share this perspective with you – not to give you back your power, but to help support you in remembering the power within your very being that has never left you.

Beloved, we are eternal beings!

Our souls are infinite and unlimited. We live in an orderly Universe—and are indeed expressions of that Universe. We are not independent of it. We are IT! If the Universe were not orderly, harmonious and perfect, it would implode and destroy itself. It would not have existed for billions of years.

From this larger perspective, we have soul contracts and agreements that are working out on many different levels. We are so powerful, that we have courageously chosen to heal at this time in our existence—no matter what it takes—and there are times when it has taken us to our knees in pain, confusion and despair. We didn’t choose our experiences on a level that we are consciously aware of. And we don’t become consciously aware until our souls know that we are ready for it. You are not to blame and there are no mistakes.

But you have chosen to be here in this lifetime. The opportunity is given to heal our karmic vows and agreements to unworthiness, shame, abandonment—and all of the other life diminishing addictions that keep us disconnected from our highest self. Our souls do not require that we suffer. But it does require us to awaken to our authentic, amazing and powerful selves. Our egos, on the other hand, sometimes have to be shocked, traumatized and dragged into re-awakening to what we really are and who we are destined to be—as whole, perfect and complete expressions of the infinite.

Holding others to account for the offenses they have perpetrated upon us is not wrong. That’s called discernment and not being in denial about the facts. But the facts of our life do not have the final say about who we are. Blaming the guilty for our core beliefs about ourselves is disempowering, because it means that we are enslaved and in bondage to our suffering until they change or apologize. And even if it came to pass, has any apology ever really set you free? Probably not. An apology may temporarily validate the position and perspective you are holding onto, but it doesn’t have the power to set you free.

It substantiates your rightness, but not your joy.

Healing the core wounds that “others” have ripped the bandages off of and re-triggered, is independent of whether anyone ever apologizes, changes or forgives us. Our freedom is independent of any person, circumstance or condition. Forgiveness sets us free and gets us home! Where is home? Your real, authentic, empowered, clear, centered and confident self!

For every condition, there is a divine and perfect solution, and the perfect tools to reveal the healing that is perfect for you. You don’t have to figure this out or do it alone. Let’s get down to the core of your forgiveness process and get you safely home!

If you are interested in using the “Healing Code of Forgiveness” process, I have created a powerful video series that takes you step by step through the forgiveness process, which includes inner child healing; EFT (emotional freedom technique); healing karmic agreements with your core wounds; and energetically facing and releasing the person who you have been holding resentment towards.

In this course, I take you through the forgiveness process from beginning to end, and you don’t need to know anything special to follow this powerful and transformative path. I highly recommend it!

A Prayer of Forgiveness:

There is a divine infinite power within me, that is love, safety, harmony, order and grace. I am one with this power. It is not separate from me, but is indeed within me and is the reality of my being. From this place of oneness with all the love and power that there is, I speak my word for myself (insert your name here), knowing that all past traumas of abandonment, betrayal, rejection and shame are uprooted from my very core and dissolved into pure love. I am healed at the deepest level of my subconscious mind, regardless of people and conditions. It is the power within me that forgives and transforms my pain into the good for all concerned. I don’t have to make it happen. I simply show up for myself in a way that I never have before, and allow the love within me to make the crooked places straight and to bring me safely home to my true and authentic self.

I am so grateful for this realization, this understanding and my perfect healing through the power of forgiveness.

It is done. It is finished. Amen!
I love you,


From Misfit to Mystic

“United we stand; divided we are merely a distraction.”

— Temple Hayes

I find it interesting that when this quote first came to me a few years ago I thought of it relative to organizations, communities, societies or families. As time went on, I realized this statement is most significant when it comes to my life experiences as a gay person.

United I stand, divided I am merely a distraction.

I was divided as a teenager when I realized that I was much more drawn to women rather than men. I had feelings for a young woman a little older than me, yet the church said I was going to hell. My grandmother actually mourned that she would not see me in heaven. Here I was just 14, without even a driver’s permit, and my grandmother is telling her former favorite granddaughter that she would not see me in heaven. A part of me died a little and felt divided.

The deeper truth of the matter was when I was 10 years old, my mother was accused of having an affair. We lived in a small southern town and to this day, I still do not know if it was true or an accusation. What is true is in the 60’s the South was just like they featured in the famous film ‘Prince of Tides’. We put things under a rug and don’t look back. We don’t talk about anything that makes us uncomfortable. We medicated before we meditated. We have so many untold secrets and some of the secrets keep us up at night.

When this accusation happened involving my mom, I was sent up North to be with family and my mom was sent to a mental hospital and was gone for a long time. They used barbaric shock treatments on her and she was never the same. She returned with very little of her memory in place and has experienced physical difficulties due to those methods. We never spoke of these events again. I certainly tried to but no one would engage.

Needless to say, when my father walked in on me at 13 ½ and my teenage “more than a friend” lover, my parents took me to the Mental Health Clinic. My father was not going to have a homosexual daughter (we didn’t really use the word gay then). That day was a defining moment in my life for I was not going to be sent away to some hospital and put in a straight jacket. However, I can clearly see now that I did get a straight jacket placed upon me metaphorically speaking that I would wear unconsciously for many years.

I was forbidden to ever see my teenage first love ever again, and I went from being the family favorite to the one who had whispers around her name. The hurt of abandonment and betrayal was often unbearable. I found a new way, I drank the feelings away and became a full blown alcoholic for the next 15 years.

I created a quote which states “to wish upon a star is progress; to know you are a star is evolution.” I meant this related to the fact that all of us are born with a purpose.

As Mark Twain said, “There are two important days in a person’s life, the day you were born and the day you discover why.” The dichotomy for me was I was always connected to God but the God the preacher talked about hated me and would destroy me in eternal hell. That’s a lot for a teenager with no safe place to turn.

I was always drawn to the crescent moon and star so when I was 18, I had a tattoo put on my arm (love note, tattoos were cool then). My aunt who already believed I was of the devil shared that I needed to remove the crescent moon and star off my arm for it was the Islamic flag. Well who knew that; certainly not me. Years later I would discover that on the day I was born the crescent moon and star were shining in the sky.

There is always a deeper connection which is why evolution is so necessary. I found Unity, a nondenominational spiritual center, when I was nineteen.

It was the first time in my life I heard God loves everybody. How is this possible when all my life I had heard about a God I wanted to love yet based on what I was told a God who wasn’t for me. My minister realized over time that I volunteered for everything and came to every activity so one night she invited me to dinner. We were discussing food choices and I said I want you to know I am gay and she continued to talk about food. I said, “did you not hear me?” She said, “ yes, but in Unity being gay does not matter for God loves and accepts everyone.” For the first time in my life I felt like I belonged and took probably the largest full breath of life I had taken since I was born.

I felt undivided.

Often these emotions are so deep, the pain so great that even as we mature as adults the emotions underneath are making those subtle decisions for us. The emotions are our bus driver. They are our straight jacket. I was so terrified through my early years that people in white uniforms were going to take me away. It was so clear, I didn’t belong anywhere; I was a misfit. The longer I have lived the more I realize As long as there is an unresolved need to belong, you will always be weakening your strengths, possibilities and self esteem. This underneath feeling would call my name many times as a child raised in the 60’s until I was over fifty years old. Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; isn’t that what it states in scripture?Needing to belong was my shadow and one day I had the greatest epiphany of my life. In a few moments, I went from grieving to immense laughter. I found my freedom. I am an original and unrepeatable creation of God and I will never belong. Yipppee, The angels sang, and I was resurrected. I claimed my space from misfit to Mystic. I laughed for an hour and I have been in joy ever since. My entire life made sense and for the first time ever, I was undivided and absolutely clear.

There’s a great teaching from David Friedman and his book The Thought Exchange which supported me to heal old wounds. David shares how often you will have thoughts of fear or discomfort yet they are only sensations, they are NOT YOU. I starting using this awareness in different situations of my life and one day on an airplane a woman seated beside me started conversing with me and said what does your husband do and “the sensation” took over my whole body. I stayed with the feeling and said to her, I don’t have a husband, I have a wife and no one died when I said it. Most importantly, I didn’t die a little by changing the subject or shutting down my heart. I embraced the sensation of freedom.

There is a statement that says, each time we share our story, the power and pain of the story divides by the number of people we share it with. This experience on the plane gave me courage to move forward. At the time, I taught the new members class where I was the Spiritual Leader and I told the story of why Unity matters to me. I spoke my truth to 44 people acknowledging clearly how Unity had saved my life and no one died and no one quit the church. Actually, people applauded. The next week, I told the community on a Sunday to hundreds of people and I thought Well that was powerful as they gave me three standing ovations during my heart share. I thought I had completed my task at heart sharing for I had greatly healed the belief that I would be abandoned or betrayed.

Two weeks later, Lifetime television called and I thought NO WAY yet I did it, I shared my stories from my young childhood and was free from the closet for my OWN lifetime. My life since has been dedicated to teachings which unite and heal the divide within for anyone who has been shamed by religiosity or toxic family systems.